The Cullen's Rotten Luck
by luckystars135
Summary: A series of bad luck that I gave the Cullens and came up with last night when I was bored...I had nothing to do, obviously. Read about vampires vs. weed, fire trouble, and Edward's CDs! Oneshot


**Okay, seriously, I'm bored. I know, how could I be bored with eight stories going on at the same time? It's insane! Oh well, just read this if you feel like it. I just feel the need to have to type _something_. And I really don't feel like working on my book right now...sigh...**

Bella-

"Edward, Bella, Alice, Rosalie, Emmet, Jasper, Carlisle, get your sorry butts over here!" Esme shouted up the stairs. The sound was so loud, it carried over to the closet where we were all hiding, including Carlisle. We all sighed.

"How did she find out?" Emmet whispered. Even though it would only take Esme a couple of minuets to find us, we weren't going to make it any easier for her.

"Of course, Emmet, how did she find out?" Alice said sarcastically, "Oh, never mind. I guess the broken coffee table, the multicolored splotches on the wall, ruined sofa, crumpled up carpet, splattered walls, and destroyed TV were enough evidence, don't you think?"

"Okay, maybe we did get a _little_ carried away," Emmet admitted, "But it was our first time! How did we know that action painting was so...messy?"

"Because, Emmet, it was called _action painting_?!" Edward hissed, "Anyway, we need a good excuse. Anyone got an idea? Carlisle?"

"Well...let's see...we could say that the coffee table broke because of a miniature earthquake instead of Emmet punching through it...and we could say that the paint was caused by the fact that a lot of multicolored birds flew in all at once and pooped all over the place, leaving colored poop instead of saying that we were flinging brushes that were dripping with paint onto canvases?" Carlisle muttered, not really putting any effort into it, knowing that his wife was going to kill him no matter what they said. It was his responsibility to take care of the kids, yet he had gotten caught up in the action painting himself, splattering paint from the brushes onto the canvas instead of actually brushing it. It was a good calming method.

"Do birds even poop?" Alice asked aloud.

"Of course they poop, Alice!" Rosalie sighed.

"Yeah...don't all living things poop?" Emmet declared.

"I think so..." I thought.

"Almost. Some don't poop," Edward clarified.

"Yeah, vampires would go under one of the ones that don't poop," Rosalie said with determination.

"But why don't we poop?" Jasper wondered.

"Because we don't eat anything that's worth pooping out!" Edward called, exasperated.

"Blood's not worth pooping out?" I wondered. After my recent transformation, I've found human blood to be almost irresistible. My brothers and sisters had to restrain me sometimes from attacking those innocent, poor civilians.

"You know what? Blood's so good it should be worth pooping out. Why don't we poop it out?" Emmet declared.

"Because, Emmet, even if our bodies would be able to digest the blood for other purposes besides our strength, it would be a liquid chemical, so that way when the matter enters your body, it still stays a chemical. Therefore, such as when you each a solid, you end up with poop because the solid stays a regular solid. So that means that if we did have the ability to digest the blood, it would stay a liquid, therefore forming pee," Carlisle stated matter-of-factly. We all stared at him like he was mental.

"How crazy am I?" he demanded, "I'm in a closet talking to my children about poop and pee!" At this, we all had to stifle our giggles with our hands. Unfortunetly, this careless gesture led to our demise.

"I found you little devils!" Esme shrieked, pulling back the closet door. One by one, we all topped out and landed in a heap on the carpet in front of Esme's feet, which were tapping and telling us that we had better have a good excuse. All of us stood up immediately as if the floor was burned. We all stood there without speaking, except for the steady ticking from the clock down the hall.

"Hi, Mom!" Alice called in a falsly cheery voice, breaking the silence that was beginning to streach on. We all started breathing again, knowing that we might as well since Alice already talked.

"Hi, Alice," Esme hissed, narrowing her eyes. Her voice clearly said the exact opposite of hello.

I cleared my throat. "So...um...Esme. How was your day out today?" She took a quick look at my newly topaz-tinged red eyes, and immediately noticed that I was just as guilty as the others.

"It was fine, Bella," she still had a little soft spot for me since I was such a new family member, but apparently that soft spot was worn away for now, "It was fine until I got home and noticed that my beloved children, _along_with my husband, decided to trash the living room while I was gone! And to make matters worse, they used up all of the paint that I was going to use to repaint Bella's new bedroom with!" Her voice was steadily rising, and she was now shouting.

"You were going to paint Bella's room with that?" asked Edward, stunned, "Oh...we didn't know."

"No, Edward, you didn't. Yet you still proceeded to destroy my house, and that in the Cullen household, calls for one thing. _Punishment_," she whispered the last part, narrowing her eyes even further. I was slightly scared; Esme didn't even get this mad when Edward and Emmet destroyed all of her rose bushes.

"Oh no," Carlisle whispered. Obviously, he had seen Esme this mad before, and it was not a pretty picture to behold.

"Oh yes. And Carlisle, as much as I love you, you will have to carry the punishment too. The punishment is as thus: All of you guys will have to fix up and replant my garden for the summer. I will make a list of all of the things that I want planted, and you will have to go to the Home Depot and collect the items. Meanwhile, I will _not_ help. You will also have to replant those rose bushes that Emmet and Edward destroyed last month. You will _also_have to take care of the garden until the first flower blooms," she looked smug, but none of us felt even challenged, except for Alice.

"This will be a nightmare," she sighed, burrowing her head in Jasper's arm. Jasper, however, looked surprised by the little phychic.

"Don't worry, Alice! This'll be a piece of cake!" he smiled at her, trying to make her happy again. Unfortunately for him, she didn't look any happier and was trying to persuade...no, beg was more the word, her husband to let her move to Germany. Jasper, of course, refused. Alice, of course, pouted.

"You must start now. I will write the list so you guys'll know what to buy," and with that, Esme left with the pride and power of a queen in the presence of her servants. Emmet grinned and went out to the garden to start pulling up the weeds. Edward, after a quick kiss, followed him. Jasper took one exasperated look at Alice and told her to get the list from Esme when she was done. Jasper, Rosalie, and I went over to the greenhouse to get what garden supplies we have. We found a shovel, a bulb-planter, some gloves (Rosalie immediately tossed them away; it wasn't like we would need them), and a pack of seeds labeled, "Pansies." in Esme's neat handwriting.

"We've got the tools," I sang, stepping back into the comfortable sunshine. This was the perfect weather to go to the meadow...but of course we have a job today. We walked out to a comical scene. Emmet was looking at a tree with a frown on his face, probably wondering why he dug up a tree instead of weeds. Edward was even funnier. He was wrestling with a weed that was as thick as his body. I laughed at once.

"Why, oh why, Emmet, did you pull up a tree?" Rosalie frowned, walking over to her husband who was now trying desperatly to replant the poor thing. Unfortunetly, he snapped off all of the roots when he tried pushing them back in.

"Need some help, Edward?" I giggled, walking over to where my new husband was getting beat by something alive but not moving. He looked at me with a desperate shade to his ocher eyes. I rolled mine.

"Please?" he whispered. I laughed louder, my bell-like peals echoing past the houses, but I did agree. After all, I did love him.

He scooted over so I could have a thick tendril that was poking out of the main body. I gripped tight and pulled on Edward's count. Sadly, even with our combined strength, the thing didn't even budge. Emmet and Rosalie came over to us and grabbed protruding root too, but they weren't much help. We heard Jasper give an exasperated sigh and grab and unoccupied root. We continued grunting, wondering how something that didn't even have a brain could beat our combined vampire muscles. We turned to each other and uttered the last word that could save us.

"HELP!" we wailed, hearing the sound bounce around the house. Esme, Carlisle, and Alice rushed outside and collapsed with laughter at the sight of us struggling with a root.

"Don't laugh!" Rosalie snarled, "Carlisle, Alice, come help us!" They came to our rescue immediately, helping us pull the now hated tan thing. Even with our dad, nothing sped up, but at least we were centimeter-ing our way out of this jam. Esme was laughing so hard; she was leaning on the wall. Then, she dove inside for her Camcorder and video taped the entire thing.

"1, 2, 3, PULL! 1, 2, 3, PULL!" Carlisle was chanting, wanting for our combined power to be used at the same time. It was working; the weed that we now all began to despise (besides Esme, I think she was starting to fall in love with it) was now inching out. After another twenty or so tries, we all fell backwards again as the last bit of the root gave in. To our horror, the house began creaking and groaning. Then slowly, like in those slow-mo parts of a movie, the entire west wing came down...down...down...CRASH!!

"What happened?!" I screamed over the dust.

"The root must have taken hold somewhere under the house, so that caused for the entire part of the house that was on top of the root to loose some of it's footing and collapse onto the dirt due to lack of support," Carlisle said, bemused. Esme was running over to us, just to make sure that we were okay.

"Are all of you guys all right?" Esme asked; it seemed like the fall of the west wing scared her pretty bad. When we all nodded, the thought that we destroyed not only the living room, but the entire _west wing_, sank in. Which included Carlisle and Esme's room and Edward and my room. _Oh no..._

"My CDs!" Edward called hysterically, running at vampire speed to the crash site. He began to dry sob at the sight of all of the destroyed limited edition records, and the loss of his sound device. It was sad; he taught me how to operate it only a week ago...and I didn't even get to try it out. I went over and bent down next to him.

"Are you all right?" I whispered, cradling him in my arms. I thought ironically that it was usually him that did this.

"My CDs..." he sniffled. The rest of my family was gathered around us, all of us understanding Edward at his loss of his CDs. They were like the other family to him...a family other than ours, and we knew that he would defend his CDs to the end of the world. It was very sad watching him and knowing that I wouldn't be able to help him.

"Don't worry, Edward. We'll help you get a new collection," Alice said soothingly, picking up a piece of a broken record.

"Yeah, and it'll be better than the last one," Emmet pipped in, looking at a piece of smashed black metal that used to be the sound system.

"Well, at least we know why it was so hard to pull up that root! We were pulling up the house instead!" Rosalie declared, causing us to chortle and laugh a little. Edward was still bent over a one-third piece of a record, trying to piece it together with another. I sighed with exasperation and pulled his hands apart.

"But Bella, you don't understand! I need to-" whatever he needed to do was cut off by one of my more forceful kisses. Emmet wolf-whistled and then we heard a whack, signaling that Rosalie just smacked Emmet at the back of his head. I pulled back, a little reluctantly.

"I'm sorry. What did you need to do again?" I asked with a coy smile on my face. I now also had the ability to dazzle, a nice little plus of being a vampire.

"I-I..." his brow furrowed as he tried to remember. We all laughed as he admitted, "I forgot."

"You're good, Bella," Jasper laughed as I pulled Edward to his feet. I took a little bow for his pleasure.

"Thank you!" I grinned, but it immediately turned into a frown as I looked at the damage again, "Where're we going to stay?"

"Well, considering the fact that you don't need to sleep, I guess you guys can stay anywhere," Carlisle admitted, "And we'll be able to stay anywhere too, I guess."

"I want to stay outside!" I demanded, "We can set up a tent!"

"No fair!" Emmet pouted, "I want to sleep outside too!"

"You can't sleep, Emmet," said Rosalie in an annoyed voice.

"So? If Bella, Edward, Carlisle, and Esme get to stay outside, I want to be able to too!" he pouted, looking a little like Alice.

"Fine!" Esme sighed, throwing up her hands, "All of you guys can stay outside!" Everyone cheered happily and dashed inside to get their camping equipment.

But then...we remembered something.

The camping equipment was on the west side of the building.

* * *

"This sucks," Alice huffed.

"Tell me about it," Rosalie hissed.

"Aww...come on guys! It isn't that bad!" I giggled.

"Yes, it is!" Edward pouted.

We had set up chairs in the backyard and draped blankets over them like we did when we were young. They used to be 'forts' back then, but they're 'tents' now. The sky was a beautiful shade of dark blue though, so that compensated for the lame-ness. Edward and I were on a log that was made from Emmet's killed tree, and Jasper was trying to make a fire. It seemed like the change didn't cover being good with the elements.

"How are you doing, my little Confederate soldier?" Alice called chipperly at her dejected husband, obviously deciding that his plight was worse than hers.

"Terribly," was all he said, rubbing the blade of the knife and the rock together, cursing when only a few tiny sparks flew off, "Carlisle, why can't I use an automatic lighter?"

"Because this is good practise for you in case if you really need the ability to make fire," Carlisle smiled from under a blanket-tent.

"Got it!" Jasper called happily. He came back to his tent as the wood caught on fire. Something about the fire circle didn't seem right to me though...

"Oh my Carlisle," I whispered, "Jasper, please tell me that you lined the outside of the fire circle with rocks, _please_."

"Now why would I do that?" he asked me, bemused. I slapped my forehead as the flames started spreading really fast across the grass.

"That stops the fire from spreading!" I screamed as Alice and Rosalie dove up front under their tents. Emmet, Carlisle, Jasper, and Esme went to get water, but found that the flames blocked the door. It was Esme's idea that we 'camped' close to the house so that we would be able to get in, in case of an emergency. This _was_ an emergency, yet they couldn't get in. They ran back to us once they found that they wouldn't be able to get water.

"What do we do now?!" Carlisle said. He knew that the flames wouldn't kill us, but humans would be curious if the flames spread all around the house and we survived.

"We have to get away from here," Edward declared, pulling be alongside him as we started to run.

"Why is today so sucky?!" Emmet wailed as they caught up to us.

"God must hate us today," Edward whispered.

"God doesn't hate us today, Edward. We're just having some bad luck, that's all," I said, attempting to be cheerful. He looked at me with disbelief.

"She's right, Edward. Today just so happens to be a series of bad coincedences. Everything'll be better soon," Jasper sighed.

"Ditto," Alice frowned.

"Fine. Just don't gang up on me," he smiled as we passed through the forest.

"Oh my goodness," I whispered as dread hit me, "Guys, our lawn connects to the forest..."

I heard someone curse and someone smack their forehead.

"Maybe we should just leave Forks before anything else happens," Carlisle said weakly.

"We can't just _leave_," Esme sighed, strained, "We have to buy another house and all that. We also can't just give up everything at home. Let's just get over to another set of forests; the rain'll soon drown out the fire." She was right, at that second, it started drizzling.

We stayed outside around what used to be Bella's house as the rain picked up. It took forever, but the sky did light up again. And when it did, the rain stopped for a temporary time too. At this, we took the advantage and went back to the house.

"Please tell me that there was not too much damage done," Esme whispered to Alice. Alice just had a very sad look on her face. We walked into the clearing created by the fire, and we all had half the mind to turn around and walk back out.

The house was totally destroyed. The east wing, the only surviving bit of the house after the root incident, was now also reduced to rubble by the never ending fire. Esme cried out as she saw the once beautiful, grand house now reduced to a stack of firewood. Alice screamed for the loss of all of her clothes, accessories, and makeup. Jasper looked stunned that all of this happened because he didn't put stones around the fire.

"How will we repair this?" Esme cried in agony.

"We probably won't be able to. We'll just have to by another house," I sighed, dejected.

"Will we still stay in Forks?" Edward asked sadly.

"Probably. We're too in love with this part of the land," Carlisle frowned as Alice rushed up to the house in desperate hopes that she might find something that was once hers.

"Did we loose everything, Dad?" Emmet asked.

"Yes, obviously," Rosalie hissed, "We'll have to start all over again, but at least we have each other."

"Rosalie speaking words of love? I'm surprised," Jasper grinned mischievously. Rosalie narrowed her eyes.

"Let's not fight now, it's not exactly the best time," Carlisle reminded them. Suddenly, there was a shriek coming from Alice as she dashed back to us.

"Look! Look! Look at what I found!" she screamed with delight. We all closed in as she showed us the untouched photo album. It was the Family Album, known to us. It had old pictures from before they even met me, and times after I joined their family. We turned the pages, a little blackened by the soot, but still whole and not missing a single picture. We saw one during our graduation, one of Alice and Jasper, one of Carlisle and Esme, and then one of Edward and me. Not a single picture had even a tiny smudge on it.

"Now _that_is good luck," Emmet smiled cheerfully.

"That is," I whispered, touching the one of me and Edward.

"Well, now what?" Rosalie asked, impatient.

Carlisle sighed. "I guess it was about time that we visited Tanya and her family up north."

**YAY! I didn't really expect for this to be that long, but I liked it. This was a very random idea though...oh well. I come up with crazy ideas. Review please, even though I'm not really expecting any...**


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